For some weird reason, I’m not one for reading fiction. The nerd in me has always been too keen to learn something new so, as the years have passed, I’ve found myself hoarding books full of knowledge and research, seldom tarrying in the land of someone’s imagination.
But I found myself accepting a novel’s invitation to escape recently, whilst taking advantage of my second vaccination jab to look after my mum, and its theme has stayed with me.
Continue reading “Hidden Chapters”As I’ve said before, given that ‘love’ is in the title of my website, I’m kinda contractually obliged to write about the subject when the month of February rolls around. And it’s one I’ve written about a lot.
But I confess that it’s been a subject that’s been playing on my mind recently. One I’ve actively wrestled with over the last month.
Continue reading “Love and hurt”One of my favourite quotes comes from the Zen Buddhist John Tarrant Roshi; “Attention is the most basic form of love. Through it to we blessed and are blessed.”
I’ve been thinking about attention over the last month – or more, how I planned to be really focused, to catch up on a ton of projects, and how all my plans went out of the window.
My mother was admitted to hospital out of the blue, so in many ways my attention has been scattered, lurching between concerns about the present and some pretty scary thinking about the future.
But in other ways, I’ve seen even more clearly how attention can be the most basic form of love. Continue reading “Attention is love”
As March rolls straight into May (I know April was in there somewhere, but I’m damned if I can recall WHERE in the blur), I’ve been thinking about fear.
(I suspect it’s the water we’re all living in.)
As luck would have it I recently found an old handout from Gary Smalley, an author and relationship counsellor, which describes something he’d see in relationships called ‘the Fear Dance’.
Each party would have unspoken expectations. When these were unmet, their fears would be triggered – which in turn triggered the other person. A chain reaction would ensue, and a dance of dissatisfaction and anger would launch unhindered.
Gary lists a host of different fears, and a host of behaviours and responses.
But they come down to 2 core relationship anxieties; fearing a loss of power/feeling controlled, and the fear of disconnection; Continue reading “The Fear Dance”
Let The Love In 