One of the great skills in life – perhaps even more important than learning new ways to respond to difficult thoughts, feelings, and sensations – is being able to apply such learnings in the heat of having those difficult thoughts, feelings, and sensations.
I think it’s why I love mnemonics, such as Tara Brach’s RAIN;
Recognize what is happening;
Allow the experience to be there, just as it is;
Investigate with interest and care;
Nurture with self-compassion.
One of my favourite quotes comes from the Zen Buddhist John Tarrant Roshi; “Attention is the most basic form of love. Through it to we blessed and are blessed.”
I’ve been thinking about attention over the last month – or more, how I planned to be really focused, to catch up on a ton of projects, and how all my plans went out of the window.
My mother was admitted to hospital out of the blue, so in many ways my attention has been scattered, lurching between concerns about the present and some pretty scary thinking about the future.
But in other ways, I’ve seen even more clearly how attention can be the most basic form of love. Continue reading “Attention is love”
Confession: I put myself through the wringer a couple of times last month. I reacted to some stuff with a whole BUNCH of insecure thinking about them, to the point where I didn’t know which way was up any more.
I’ve been walking through treacle recently.
Not literally, of course; that would be insane. But metaphorically speaking, it’s felt much the same; like walking, moving, thinking, through treacle.
It’s one of the joys of chronic illness – and the impact it can have on my emotional and mental well-being. Continue reading “The kindness of the design”
I’ve been thinking about ambiguous loss and grief lately.
(Yes, FUN TIMES.)
My thoughts were sparked by two articles; the first, on how middle-age is impacting Gen X women (spoiler alert: badly. REALLY BADLY). The other, a letter writer wanted to feel like her single life is enough (spoiler alert: even the ‘agony aunt’ who responded struggles and fails to cultivate this feeling).
As someone who, Venn-diagram-speaking, is slap-bang where these two overlap, they made interesting reading.
And by interesting, I mean .. the other thing. Continue reading “An uncertain kind of loss”
This month, I’m going to share something very different.
One of the first pieces I ever had published was a poem, and yet I rarely read them – and the last one I wrote was five years ago. But a friend who lives overseas was struggling recently, and I wanted to keep in touch through loving voice messages.
I didn’t want to add to his mental load by chit-chatting about my day, though. So what could I say that would be short, helpful and meaningful? Continue reading “For a friend who is struggling”
I experienced a lot of thinking at the beginning of this week.
Nothing major happened; my mum’s doing well after fracturing her shoulder through a fall a couple of weeks ago, and I’m doing well after going up to look after her. Continue reading “When less is more”
Intimacy is crucial for our well-being. So can a workshop on non-sexual touch be an act of self-care?
It’s hard to open up the (metaphorical) newspaper these days without a report telling us how bad loneliness is for our well-being. From shortening our lives more than smoking fifteen cigarettes a day or obesity, to underpinning depression, it’s as bad for your health as having a long-term chronic illness.
Continue reading “Can talking about sex and hugging strangers tackle the loneliness epidemic?”
I’m not going to lie; I’ve had a hell of a few months.
From volunteering at the Museum of Happiness, to a last-minute invitation to Plum Village, to my first Hay House Writer’s Workshop, to my father’s passing, to becoming Head of Content for the Museum, to completing and submitting my first book proposal .. eesh. Continue reading “And relax…”
A few days ago I hit an interesting, if irregularly-numbered, landmark; the 13th anniversary of collapsing with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which you may also know as ME. Continue reading “Notes Along the Way: Five Things I’ve Learned Through Chronic Illness”
Let The Love In 