Tag: Intimacy

Empathy, Relationships

Attention is love

One of my favourite quotes comes from the Zen Buddhist John Tarrant Roshi; “Attention is the most basic form of love. Through it to we blessed and are blessed.”

I’ve been thinking about attention over the last month – or more, how I planned to be really focused, to catch up on a ton of projects, and how all my plans went out of the window.

My mother was admitted to hospital out of the blue, so in many ways my attention has been scattered, lurching between concerns about the present and some pretty scary thinking about the future.

But in other ways, I’ve seen even more clearly how attention can be the most basic form of love. Continue reading “Attention is love” →

Blog, Empathy, Tips

What problem are you really trying to solve?

Like everyone else, Covid 19’s interruption of life as normal has given me pause to stop and reflect. I’ve been thinking about what I value, the kind of life I want to live, and the kind of contribution I want to make to others.

And I’ve found a really interesting question to ask myself.

Continue reading “What problem are you really trying to solve?” →

Blog, Relationships, Self-compassion

An uncertain kind of loss

I’ve been thinking about ambiguous loss and grief lately.

(Yes, FUN TIMES.)

My thoughts were sparked by two articles; the first, on how middle-age is impacting Gen X women (spoiler alert: badly. REALLY BADLY). The other, a letter writer wanted to feel like her single life is enough (spoiler alert: even the ‘agony aunt’ who responded struggles and fails to cultivate this feeling).

As someone who, Venn-diagram-speaking, is slap-bang where these two overlap, they made interesting reading.

And by interesting, I mean .. the other thing. Continue reading “An uncertain kind of loss” →

Empathy, Relationships

For a friend who is struggling

This month, I’m going to share something very different.

One of the first pieces I ever had published was a poem, and yet I rarely read them – and the last one I wrote was five years ago. But a friend who lives overseas was struggling recently, and I wanted to keep in touch through loving voice messages.

I didn’t want to add to his mental load by chit-chatting about my day, though. So what could I say that would be short, helpful and meaningful? Continue reading “For a friend who is struggling” →

Relationships, Self-compassion

Can talking about sex and hugging strangers tackle the loneliness epidemic?

Intimacy is crucial for our well-being. So can a workshop on non-sexual touch be an act of self-care?

It’s hard to open up the (metaphorical) newspaper these days without a report telling us how bad loneliness is for our well-being. From shortening our lives more than smoking fifteen cigarettes a day or obesity, to underpinning depression, it’s as bad for your health as having a long-term chronic illness.

Continue reading “Can talking about sex and hugging strangers tackle the loneliness epidemic?” →

Advice, Self-compassion

What’s your logic based on?

We humans tend to be strange, paradoxical, conflicted creatures.

We say that we want something in our life – be it more money, greater freedom, a wider pool of romantic prospects, a deeper connection, etc. Nothing wrong with any of those, of course; all entirely human and understandable desires.

And yet it’s rare to find someone whose life doesn’t contradict what they say they want. Money evaporates at a certain set-point, limitations are accrued unconsciously, opportunities to meet potential partners spurned, chances for vulnerability body-swerved. Continue reading “What’s your logic based on?” →

Advice, Relationships, Tips

Four Noble Truths of Love

It’s February, Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and my website has the word “love” in the title. So I’m *checks, nods* yep, contractually obligated to write about love.

I joke, of course. There’s nothing I enjoy more than thinking and writing about matters of the heart – even if such matters continue to confuse, baffle and vex me. Continue reading “Four Noble Truths of Love” →

Advice, Blog, Relationships, Tips

LoveWeek #4 – When the going gets tough…

In an ideal world, of course, relationships would be easy. You’d find someone, fall in love with each other, and POW! – the “happily ever after” of fairytales comes true.

(The clue why they don’t is in the word “fairytales”, FYI…) Continue reading “LoveWeek #4 – When the going gets tough…” →

Advice, Blog, Relationships, Tips

LoveWeek #3 – You’ve found someone. Now what?

So you see love as a “collaborative work of art”. You’ve been discerning about who to spend your time with and found someone generous and giving, someone with whom you can be your truest self.

You’ve won! Here’s your medal! You can relax now!

Of course, life’s not really like that: nor is love. Continue reading “LoveWeek #3 – You’ve found someone. Now what?” →