Tag: Love

Blog, Inner Critic, Relationships

After the storm

A month has gone by since my mum passed away.

I returned home two weeks ago and, since then, the intensity of the whirlwind which was her final few days has loosened into an ever-present anxiety about completing the clearance of her flat at a distance.

To do so has relied on the kindness of strangers (lovely removal men, who brought a number of her possessions to me last week), and the kindness of an old friend who – as I sit here, and only just realise – I have known for 30 years this September.

It has been painful, unsettling, and revelatory to discover that I can rely on others to do the things that they promised to do, without resentment or passive-aggression on their part. To be in exhaustion and overwhelm over how much was yet to be done at my mum’s flat, and to have my dear friend Bronwen reply to each new realisation with “Not a problem x”.

It is a form of love which perhaps others take for granted. To me it feels so contradictory to the stories I tell myself about the world, that my nervous system struggles to process it.

As it does with my mum’s death. What a strange sentence to write; undeniably true, and yet seemingly impossible.

Continue reading “After the storm” →
Blog, Relationships, Tips

A surprising key to intimacy

Whenever February appears, my thoughts turn to love.

(To be fair they often turn to love, regardless of the month, BUT HEY.)

I’ve recently picked up again my copy of psychologist George Pransky’s The Relationship Handbook: A Simple Guide to Satisfying Relationships.

As I dip into it I’m once again challenged and soothed by the ideas it shares, which include that our struggles come from our insecure thinking rather than what’s happening in our lives, that our moods are simply a reflection of the quality of that thinking, and to not take low moods – ours, and those of other people – too seriously (or to take action during them).

Continue reading “A surprising key to intimacy” →
Blog, Relationships

Be more Dwayne Johnson

Just a quick one today inspired, I kid you not, by a recent interview with Dwayne Johnson (AKA The Rock).

It’s a great read. Johnson is a larger than life figure in more than just the films he’s starred in after his eyebrow-dancing success in WWE, but what you find here is the personal history of the man behind the tattoos and muscles; a history full of trauma, petty crime, and family dysfunction.

But what really caught my eye was this;

Johnson’s friend Oprah Winfrey detects something distinctive at work here. “Most people have the ‘Do you see me?’ gene,” she says, “but he truly has the ‘I see you’ gene.”

Dwayne Johnson Lets Down His Guard
Vanity Fair October 2021
Continue reading “Be more Dwayne Johnson” →
Advice, Blog, Relationships

Want someone to feel more loved? Try this.

As a social species, we’re wired to be in relationship with others. As Brené Brown puts it in the wonderful Daring Greatly,

“Connection is why we’re here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.”

Brene Brown

But man, sometimes it can be TOUGH.

Continue reading “Want someone to feel more loved? Try this.” →
Blog, Empathy, Relationships, Tips

Top dos and don’ts of tender conversations

Enjoying meaningful conversation with those we love and care about is one of the great pleasures of being human, and two great – and perfectly dove-tailing – articles giving ten top tips apiece have crossed my radar recently.

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Blog, Empathy, Relationships

Words to silence

Loving someone can be, by its very nature, a vulnerable act; at any moment, the object of our affection can change their mind, reject us, disappoint or leave us.

For many of us, silence has become our way of knowing that something’s ended; from dating’s ever-present ghosting to the dearth of conversation between long-term partners.

The cruellest silence of all is the one that follows a beloved’s death. But what if you could still talk to them – and have them answer back?

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Blog, Empathy, Relationships, Self-compassion

Love and hurt

As I’ve said before, given that ‘love’ is in the title of my website, I’m kinda contractually obliged to write about the subject when the month of February rolls around. And it’s one I’ve written about a lot.

But I confess that it’s been a subject that’s been playing on my mind recently. One I’ve actively wrestled with over the last month.

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Blog, Question of the Week, Self-compassion

Cultivating open hands

I spoke to a friend this week about a meditation practise I’ve just committed to, and came up with a turn of phrase which really caught her imagination (“Thank you, I’m stealing that one!”, she exclaimed). It’s a phrase, an idea, I’ve been sitting with ever since.

Continue reading “Cultivating open hands” →
Blog, Relationships, Self-compassion

An uncertain kind of loss

I’ve been thinking about ambiguous loss and grief lately.

(Yes, FUN TIMES.)

My thoughts were sparked by two articles; the first, on how middle-age is impacting Gen X women (spoiler alert: badly. REALLY BADLY). The other, a letter writer wanted to feel like her single life is enough (spoiler alert: even the ‘agony aunt’ who responded struggles and fails to cultivate this feeling).

As someone who, Venn-diagram-speaking, is slap-bang where these two overlap, they made interesting reading.

And by interesting, I mean .. the other thing. Continue reading “An uncertain kind of loss” →